Carpenter Hands and Silent Tears

    

I present this story to you not as doctrine, or as bible exegesis, but what came out of a personal forty-day wilderness experience during which the Lord eventually came to me and comforted me with what seemed like the “fellowship of His sufferings.” Could He have been fully human and not have dealt with what is so much of our human experience? As I have shared this story with only a few persons it has served to bring healing to some, and it has made Yeshua more real as a Man and as a Person who can relate to what we so often go through. It has, for some also given insight into Him as our promised Bridegroom, whether we are a man or a woman. I can say that I know what strong carpenter hands on your shoulder feels like of a man who is real enough to cry because it is hard to say goodbye, and I know what it is to feel cherished, even though there are great limitations on your friendship. It is out of that, it is my belief, the Holy Spirit gave me this insight.  

While I preferred to keep the story private, I now feel that He would have me share it with those of you who are reading it who will one day be His Bride, to know this of Him now. It is, after all, to whatever extent it may be true, His story to share.
 

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"Who is forgiven much, loves much,” Yeshua told those listening to Him as they sat in Marta, Miryam and Lazarus’ gathering room. His knowing eyes glanced across each face, staying only for a second longer upon Miryam’s whom He knew would understand more than the rest the truth of those words. Despite being from a well thought of and somewhat prominent family in Bethany, Miryam has lapsed into a life of doing what “nice Jewish girls” didn’t do. She had brought shame to her sister and brother, both older than she, who were grateful their parents were no longer alive to witness it.

But all that changed when this Man who is thought to perhaps be the Messiah, who now sat teaching others in their gathering room, had come to their town. Miryam had overheard His words that day as she made her way through the market place.  She had no intention of listening to a holy man talking about God, even if He had drawn a crowd. But what she did hear caused her to stop and listen, just for a moment. He made it sound as if God was forgiving and not angry with people for not being good enough. She’d never heard words like that before, though it was not just His words, but the kindness in His voice that made her stop to listen - and to watch Him, wondering who He was.

Walking among the people, touching this one, smiling at another, tousling the hair of a child, He seemed not at all like the temple priests who were so aloof and wore their prayer shawls everywhere so everyone would know who they were. He dressed like everyone else, but when He spoke, He didn’t sound like everyone else.  He spoke of turning away from sin, yes, but not to condemn. He was offering a new life of freedom, of being cleansed and being right with God by believing in His goodness and accepting His forgiveness. As she listened, He made the impossible suddenly seem possible. She had already felt so condemned, that there seemed no way out. One bad decision after another, one time of putting her trust in a man who turned out to be untrustworthy led to another, till somehow, here she was, where neither she, and surely not her family, would want her to be.

And then, though she stood on the edge of the crowd, He walked directly toward her and stood before her.  He looked into her eyes as if He knew her, as if He could see all her bad decisions, and as if He could see how hurt she had been and how she had shut off her feelings to keep her heart from being hurt any further. She wanted to run away but she couldn't move.  She hadn't wanted to see these things in herself, but as He looked into her eyes, His kindness poured into her wounded soul and all this was suddenly unveiled to her. Before she could even make sense of any of it, He spoke only a few words to her – “Go and sin no more.”  And at that moment she knew the power of the sin that had held her captive for so long was broken. She suddenly knew that her past was now her past, and not her tomorrow, or even her today.  Before she had time to even formulate words to say thank you, He had moved on through the crowd. But she knew she would never be as she had been, she had just become a new woman.

What Miryam hadn’t realized before was that her brother and this man – His name was Yeshua –  had become friends. Lazarus had welcomed Him into their home before but Miryam had always been elsewhere and had no interest in Lazarus’ religious friends.  But now, when Yeshua came to visit, she was right there, sitting at His feet, listening to every word He had to say. He always spoke about the Kingdom of God, that they no longer had to wait for it, but that it was right there with them and they could live even now in God’s righteousness and blessings.  She couldn’t get enough of what Yeshua was saying. Every word He said brought more cleansing to her heart and enlightenment to her mind. How she soaked up His words, marveling in the joy of her new life of the righteous He offered.

Yeshua continued to come to their house when He seemed to need a rest and wanted times away from the crowds. He would share with them where He’d been and tell them stories of the miracles and of the people He came to know and the lives that were changed. He always seemed so thrilled at each one, as if it was the only miracle that had taken place. 

Miryam knew what many of those people felt, as their lives were made new. She wondered if they felt about Yeshua as she did. Did they love to look into His eyes as she did? Did they live to hear the sound of His voice too? Did they wait for Him to come again when He left their towns? While He never spoke any differently to her than He did to Marta or Lazarus, she continued to have the feeling that somehow there was a special bond between them, that she seemed to understand more of what He was saying than they did. Was it only her imagination that she felt so close to Him?

She certainly understood that those who are forgiven much, love much. But dare she even think that He loved her in return, as a good man loves a woman?  One evening while Marta was busy cleaning up after a meal and Lazarus was out feeding the animals, Yeshua and she took a walk on the roof top where they could see almost into Jerusalem and they talked easily as good friends do. Miryam never felt so completely at ease with anyone like this before, so free of her usual self-consciousness or defensiveness as she was with Him. It all seemed so natural that she didn't even realize it until a day or so later when it surprised her to find that she missed Him, even painfully so, as she recalled their time on the roof. Only once had He offered her His hand to help her up a step and she felt the strength in His Hand as if He was still the carpenter He had been until recently and she wondered how He could be so gentle with such strong hands. 

Marta, meanwhile, was still not sure she trusted the newness in Miryam. After all, she still wasn’t much help with the chores around the house. Since their parents were gone, Marta had taken charge of running the house. She did have a gift of hospitality and loved cooking for people. Her meals were as elaborate as any in Bethany.  Lazarus had a way of inviting people in on a regular basis even on the spur of the moment and Marta enjoyed whipping up a meal to feed them. But it would have been helpful if Miryam had contributed to her share of the work.

One day, when Yeshua and His disciples were there for lunch, and many others had crowded into the room to hear Him, there was Miryam right there sitting on the floor in front of Yeshua again listening intently to what He had to say while Marta was in the kitchen, intent upon making an elaborate meal for their guests. But feeling somewhat tired, Marta was also annoyed that her sister wasn’t helping her.  She even felt annoyed with Yeshua for not noticing how hard she was working to prepare a meal for Him and all those guests who were His followers, after all, not hers that she was feeding. While Miryam and Lazarus and the others listened and laughed and enjoyed the discussion, Martha had been distracted with much cooking and serving. But suddenly her feelings got the best of her and coming out of the kitchen area she waited only briefly for a lapse in His conversation to say, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?  Tell her to come and help me.” She was sure if He told her to help, especially in front of all those people, Miryam would certainly have to do so.

Suddenly the room got very quiet as everyone turned and looked at her. She had the distinct feeling that she had just said something entirely inappropriate. Yeshua smiled warmly, however, and said to her, “Marta, Marta, you are worried and troubled about many things.  Only one thing is really needed, and Miryam has chosen that good part. What you’re cooking will be eaten and will be gone, but that which Miryam is hearing will become part of her life and destiny, and will not be taken away from her.” 

Marta would have felt ashamed except for the acceptance in His tone of voice and His smile toward her.  It was at that moment that she realized she really was troubled about many things and they really only did need one or a few things to eat, fruit with bread and cheese maybe, and not a four course meal.  For the first time Marta realized that what He had to say was far more important than what she fed Him and His friends.  She vowed that the next time Yeshua came to their home, she would prepare a simple meal and like her sister and brother, pay much more attention to His teachings.

But the next time didn’t come. They heard from others where He had been and of some of the miracles that were taking place. News travels fast throughout Judea as people traveled from one area to another.  It was months since they’d seen Him, and during that time Lazarus had taken sick. Both his sisters had nursed him and fed him and done what one does to help someone get well. They had even called in the local doctor but no matter what they did, Lazarus was not getting any better. There was only one thing to do, send for Yeshua. Surely He would come and pray for Lazarus and he would be well like all the others Yeshua had healed. So they sent a messenger to find Him and to tell him of Lazarus' dire illness. It was not hard to locate Him, no matter the distance, as there was so much talk about Him and people tended to know where He was from the stories. And so the messenger found Him and told Yeshua that the one whom He loved, His dear friend, was quite sick and asked Him to come as soon as He could.

Marta and Miryam were sure He would come immediately after they dispatched the messenger. But He didn’t. Days went by. Lazarus grew sicker and weaker and finally, he breathed his last and Lazarus was gone. And Yeshua had not come. Their grief was inconsolable. They had gone through the ritual burial procedures and had laid Lazarus’ body in the family tomb. Now the house was again filled with people, but this time for the week of shiva, the time of mourning. Four days had gone by when one of Yeshua disciples came with the message that He was just outside of town, waiting to see them. Marta as head of the household had received the message and slipped out the door and ran to where He was waiting. The moment she saw Him, Marta couldn’t help but feel somewhat angry with Yeshua. Where had He been all this time? He could have saved Lazarus, she was sure of that.  “Lord,” she said, “if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” Wouldn’t God answer His prayers no matter what He prayed, she thought, and then said, “But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.”

Yeshua’s next words did not make her feel any better.  “Your brother will rise again,” He said. She already knew that. “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day,” she said. But how does that help her grief now, she thought. That’s then, this is now and he’s still dead now. But Yeshua immediately interrupted her thoughts as He said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Marta, do you believe this?” Marta wasn’t sure what the meaning of His words were. She was still too filled with sorrow to understand what He was saying. He seemed to be saying Lazarus should never have died because he believed in his friend Yeshua, even believed He was the Messiah.  How could Yeshua say Lazarus would never die when he died! What He was saying didn’t make any sense, even though she too believed He was the Messiah, just as Lazarus had.  Not knowing what else to say, she said to Him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” But what good was all this talk about resurrection, she thought, when Lazarus was still dead.

He didn't respond to her statement, but asked her to send Miryam to Him. She went back to the house and whispered to Miryam that the Master was asking for her. Immediately Miryam dashed out the door and ran to where He waited.  Many of the people in the house followed her thinking she was going to the grave site to mourn. Breathlessly coming upon Him after her run to Him, still wrapped in grief, she was sure that had He been there, this would all have turned out differently. Why hadn't He come? She looked into His eyes, those eyes she knew so well, trying to read what she was seeing in them.  Barely able to speak in more than a whisper, she implored, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died,” before she collapsed at His feet.

Yeshua had seen the grief in her eyes; He could feel her pain. Did He want to comfort her? Did He suddenly know the of excruciating anguish and sorrow she would feel when she would learn that He too was dead, and that He had been so cruelly tortured and crucified? Even though He knew He would be raised from the dead three days later, was the thought of the unbearable pain His own death would bring to her a cause for great anguish within Him at what she would experience? Was He Himself overcome with wanting to spare her even more grief than she was feeling now? Did He want to take her in His arms and comfort her, not just for today but everyday? If He did, He knew He could not.  As Yeshua saw her weeping, He groaned within His own spirit, being deeply troubled. But He did not, He could not, reach for her to lift her out of her pain. Instead, just for a moment, did He lay His hand upon her shoulder to try and calm her?  And did the groaning in His spirit come with the thought of how hard it was to leave, as silent tears fell from His eyes? [1] 

The best way to turn this around was to do what He had come to do, to raise Lazarus from the dead.  He said to those who were gathered around them, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” And that He did. Seeing their joy became joy to Him as well. He hoped they would remember the hope in Lazarus' resurrection when it came time for His own death. His Father’s timing of this day couldn’t have been more fitting, for soon, He too would be dead and laid in a tomb for a time.

What did Yeshua and the two sisters and Lazarus talk about that night as they sat once again in their house, this time over a simple meal?  They were what appears to be His closest friends for He spent much time in their company. Is it possible that He told them, or even just told Miryam on a walk on the roof, of what was to come in order to prepare her?  Did He decide to explain to them, or to her, what must take place so they would be able to endure it? Because a short time later, just prior to His last Passover here on earth, an event took place that would lead one to think that Miryam, if both of the recorded events involved Miryam, knew of His immanent death. It may have also been that not everyone recognized Miryam’s change of life and still saw her as she had been.

Yeshua and His disciples were in Bethany again, this time in their neighbor’s house, that of Simon who may have been a Pharisee whom Yeshua had healed of Leprosy.  While they were reclining at dinner that night, Miryam came in having an alabaster flask of very costly oil of spikenard.  Seemingly unaware of anyone but Yeshua, she came to Him, then broke the flask and poured its contents on His head releasing the aroma of the oils throughout the house. Then kneeling by His feet she poured the rest of the oils on His feet and then began to wipe them with her hair, weeping as she did so. The room was filled with shock at such a sensuous act while the fragrance of the oil filled the house. 

At first no one said anything, but it soon became evidently that there were some who were indignant among them, Judas most of all who was the first to speak, saying with much judgement in his voice, “Why was this fragrant oil wasted? It might have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.”  His words were abruptly interrupted with a flash of anger from Yeshua whose voice roared with His own indignation as He firmly articulated, “Let her alone!” The expression on His face made it clear that He was angry, not with her, but with Judas for his attitude toward her. “Why do you trouble her? She has done a good thing unto Me. For in pouring this fragrant oil on My body, she did it for My burial,”

Burial? Did He say burial? No one in the room seemingly knew what He was talking about, except for her. She knew and she was expressing her love and her overwhelming grief the only way she knew how. The room fell absolutely silent except for her soft sobs.  Looking first at her for a moment, then gazing around the room,  His voice perhaps a bit raspy with the emotion of the moment, He said,  “Assuredly, wherever this good news is preached throughout the whole world, what this woman has done for Me will also be told as a memorial to her.”

There was nothing He could give her in this world, but He did what He could to protect her at that moment, and to protect her reputation for all time to come. He would make what she had done unto Him known throughout the world. He would give her the greatest place He could by letting the world know, everyone who would come to know the Gospels, that He honored her and cherished her and what she had done for Him. No longer would she ever be regarded as a sinful woman, but He who would soon be known as King and Resurrected Lord, created a memorial to her that would last as long as His word, and His word is forever. 
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Epilog:  We are not told what became of Miryam, though perhaps she was "the other Mary" (Matthew 27:61). The next thing we read is that Judas went to the chief priests and sold Yeshua out to them for His capture.  One wonders if Yeshua’s roaring rebuke at Judas wasn’t the trigger that caused him to want to vindicate himself by turning Yeshua over to them.  Was he entirely indignant that Yeshua actually rebuked him in front of all those people in favor of a woman, even this woman? Was he so humiliated that he decided to retaliate? One wonders.

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[1] The word “wept” in Greek indicates silent tears.