I present this story to you not as doctrine, or as bible exegesis, but what came
out of a personal forty-day wilderness experience during which the Lord
eventually came to me and comforted me with what seemed like the “fellowship of
His sufferings.” Could He have been fully human and not have dealt with
what is so much of our human experience? As I have shared this story with only
a few persons it has served to bring healing to some, and it has made Yeshua
more real as a Man and as a Person who can relate to what we so often go
through. It has, for some also given insight into Him as our promised
Bridegroom, whether we are a man or a woman. I can say that I know what strong carpenter hands on your shoulder
feels like of a man who is real enough to cry because it is hard to say
goodbye, and I know what it is to feel cherished, even though there are great
limitations on your friendship. It is out of that, it is my belief, the Holy
Spirit gave me this insight.
While I preferred to keep
the story private, I now feel that He would have me share it with those of you
who are reading it who will one day be His Bride, to know this of Him now. It
is, after all, to whatever extent it may be true, His story to share.
~ ~ ~
"Who
is forgiven much, loves much,” Yeshua told those listening to Him as they sat
in Marta, Miryam and Lazarus’ gathering room. His knowing eyes glanced
across each face, staying only for a second longer upon Miryam’s whom He knew
would understand more than the rest the truth of those words. Despite being
from a well thought of and somewhat prominent family in Bethany, Miryam has
lapsed into a life of doing what “nice Jewish girls” didn’t do. She had brought
shame to her sister and brother, both older than she, who were grateful their
parents were no longer alive to witness it.
But
all that changed when this Man who is thought to perhaps be the Messiah, who
now sat teaching others in their gathering room, had come to their town. Miryam
had overheard His words that day as she made her way through the market
place. She had no intention of listening to a holy man talking about God,
even if He had drawn a crowd. But what she did hear caused her to stop and
listen, just for a moment. He made it sound as if God was forgiving and
not angry with people for not being good enough. She’d never heard words like
that before, though it was not just His words, but the kindness in His voice
that made her stop to listen - and to watch Him, wondering who He was.
Walking
among the people, touching this one, smiling at another, tousling the hair of a
child, He seemed not at all like the temple priests who were so aloof and wore
their prayer shawls everywhere so everyone would know who they were. He dressed
like everyone else, but when He spoke, He didn’t sound like everyone
else. He spoke of turning away from sin, yes, but not to condemn. He
was offering a new life of freedom, of being cleansed and being right with
God by believing in His goodness and accepting His forgiveness. As she
listened, He made the impossible suddenly seem possible. She had already felt
so condemned, that there seemed no way out. One bad decision after another, one
time of putting her trust in a man who turned out to be untrustworthy led to
another, till somehow, here she was, where neither she, and surely not her
family, would want her to be.
And
then, though she stood on the edge of the crowd, He walked directly toward
her and stood before her. He looked into her eyes as if He knew her, as
if He could see all her bad decisions, and as if He could see how hurt she had
been and how she had shut off her feelings to keep her heart from being hurt any
further. She wanted to run away but she couldn't move. She hadn't wanted
to see these things in herself, but as He looked into her eyes, His kindness
poured into her wounded soul and all this was suddenly unveiled to her. Before
she could even make sense of any of it, He spoke only a few words to her – “Go
and sin no more.” And at that moment she knew the power of the sin that
had held her captive for so long was broken. She suddenly knew that her past
was now her past, and not her tomorrow, or even her today. Before she had
time to even formulate words to say thank you, He had moved on through the
crowd. But she knew she would never be as she had been, she had just become a
new woman.
What
Miryam hadn’t realized before was that her brother and this man – His name was
Yeshua – had become friends. Lazarus had welcomed Him into their home
before but Miryam had always been elsewhere and had no interest in Lazarus’
religious friends. But now, when Yeshua came to visit, she was right
there, sitting at His feet, listening to every word He had to say. He always
spoke about the Kingdom of God, that they no longer had to wait for it, but
that it was right there with them and they could live even now in God’s
righteousness and blessings. She couldn’t get enough of what Yeshua was
saying. Every word He said brought more cleansing to her heart and
enlightenment to her mind. How she soaked up His words, marveling in the joy of
her new life of the righteous He offered.
Yeshua
continued to come to their house when He seemed to need a rest and wanted times
away from the crowds. He would share with them where He’d been and tell them
stories of the miracles and of the people He came to know and the lives that
were changed. He always seemed so thrilled at each one, as if it was the only
miracle that had taken place.
Miryam
knew what many of those people felt, as their lives were made new. She wondered
if they felt about Yeshua as she did. Did they love to look into His eyes as
she did? Did they live to hear the sound of His voice too? Did they wait for
Him to come again when He left their towns? While He never spoke any
differently to her than He did to Marta or Lazarus, she continued to have the
feeling that somehow there was a special bond between them, that she seemed to
understand more of what He was saying than they did. Was it only her
imagination that she felt so close to Him?
She
certainly understood that those who are forgiven much, love much. But dare she
even think that He loved her in return, as a good man loves a woman? One
evening while Marta was busy cleaning up after a meal and Lazarus was out
feeding the animals, Yeshua and she took a walk on the roof top where they
could see almost into Jerusalem and they talked easily as good friends do.
Miryam never felt so completely at ease with anyone like this before, so free
of her usual self-consciousness or defensiveness as she was with Him. It all
seemed so natural that she didn't even realize it until a day or so later when
it surprised her to find that she missed Him, even painfully so, as she
recalled their time on the roof. Only once had He offered her His hand to help
her up a step and she felt the strength in His Hand as if He was still the
carpenter He had been until recently and she wondered how He could be so gentle
with such strong hands.
Marta,
meanwhile, was still not sure she trusted the newness in Miryam. After all, she
still wasn’t much help with the chores around the house. Since their parents
were gone, Marta had taken charge of running the house. She did have a gift of
hospitality and loved cooking for people. Her meals were as elaborate as any in
Bethany. Lazarus had a way of inviting people in on a regular basis even
on the spur of the moment and Marta enjoyed whipping up a meal to feed them.
But it would have been helpful if Miryam had contributed to her share of the
work.
One
day, when Yeshua and His disciples were there for lunch, and many others had
crowded into the room to hear Him, there was Miryam right there sitting on the
floor in front of Yeshua again listening intently to what He had to say while
Marta was in the kitchen, intent upon making an elaborate meal for their
guests. But feeling somewhat tired, Marta was also annoyed that her sister
wasn’t helping her. She even felt annoyed with Yeshua for not noticing
how hard she was working to prepare a meal for Him and all those guests who
were His followers, after all, not hers that she was feeding. While
Miryam and Lazarus and the others listened and laughed and enjoyed the discussion,
Martha had been distracted with much cooking and serving. But suddenly her
feelings got the best of her and coming out of the kitchen area she waited only
briefly for a lapse in His conversation to say, “Lord, do You not care that my
sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her to come and help me.” She was
sure if He told her to help, especially in front of all those people, Miryam
would certainly have to do so.
Suddenly the room got very quiet as everyone turned and looked at her. She had
the distinct feeling that she had just said something entirely inappropriate.
Yeshua smiled warmly, however, and said to her, “Marta, Marta, you are worried
and troubled about many things. Only one thing is really
needed, and Miryam has chosen that good part. What you’re cooking will be eaten
and will be gone, but that which Miryam is hearing will become part of her life
and destiny, and will not be taken away from her.”
Marta
would have felt ashamed except for the acceptance in His tone of voice and His smile
toward her. It was at that moment that she realized she really was
troubled about many things and they really only did need one or a few things to
eat, fruit with bread and cheese maybe, and not a four course meal. For
the first time Marta realized that what He had to say was far more important
than what she fed Him and His friends. She vowed that the next time
Yeshua came to their home, she would prepare a simple meal and like her sister
and brother, pay much more attention to His teachings.
But the next time didn’t come. They heard from others where He had been and of
some of the miracles that were taking place. News travels fast throughout Judea
as people traveled from one area to another. It was months since they’d
seen Him, and during that time Lazarus had taken sick. Both his sisters had
nursed him and fed him and done what one does to help someone get well. They
had even called in the local doctor but no matter what they did, Lazarus was
not getting any better. There was only one thing to do, send for Yeshua. Surely
He would come and pray for Lazarus and he would be well like all the others
Yeshua had healed. So they sent a messenger to find Him and to
tell him of Lazarus' dire illness. It was not hard to locate Him, no matter the
distance, as there was so much talk about Him and people tended to
know where He was from the stories. And so the messenger found
Him and told Yeshua that the one whom He loved, His dear friend, was quite sick
and asked Him to come as soon as He could.
Marta
and Miryam were sure He would come immediately after they dispatched the
messenger. But He didn’t. Days went by. Lazarus grew sicker and weaker and
finally, he breathed his last and Lazarus was gone. And Yeshua had not come.
Their grief was inconsolable. They had gone through the ritual burial
procedures and had laid Lazarus’ body in the family tomb. Now the house was
again filled with people, but this time for the week of shiva,
the time of mourning. Four days had gone by when one of Yeshua disciples came
with the message that He was just outside of town, waiting to see them. Marta
as head of the household had received the message and slipped out the door and
ran to where He was waiting. The moment she saw Him, Marta couldn’t help but
feel somewhat angry with Yeshua. Where had He been all this time? He could have
saved Lazarus, she was sure of that. “Lord,” she said, “if You had been
here, my brother would not have died.” Wouldn’t God answer His prayers no
matter what He prayed, she thought, and then said, “But even now I know that
whatever You ask of God, God will give You.”
Yeshua’s
next words did not make her feel any better. “Your brother will rise
again,” He said. She already knew that. “I know that he will rise again in the
resurrection at the last day,” she said. But how does that help her grief now,
she thought. That’s then, this is now and he’s still dead now. But Yeshua
immediately interrupted her thoughts as He said to her, “I am the
resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall
live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Marta, do you
believe this?” Marta wasn’t sure what the meaning of His words were. She was
still too filled with sorrow to understand what He was saying. He seemed to be
saying Lazarus should never have died because he believed in his friend Yeshua,
even believed He was the Messiah. How could Yeshua say Lazarus would
never die when he died! What He was saying didn’t make any sense, even though
she too believed He was the Messiah, just as Lazarus had. Not knowing
what else to say, she said to Him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the
Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” But what good was
all this talk about resurrection, she thought, when Lazarus was
still dead.
He didn't respond to her statement, but asked her to send Miryam to Him. She
went back to the house and whispered to Miryam that the Master was asking for
her. Immediately Miryam dashed out the door and ran to where He waited.
Many of the people in the house followed her thinking she was going to the
grave site to mourn. Breathlessly coming upon Him after her run to Him, still
wrapped in grief, she was sure that had He been there, this would all have
turned out differently. Why hadn't He come? She looked into His eyes, those
eyes she knew so well, trying to read what she was seeing in them. Barely
able to speak in more than a whisper, she implored, “Lord, if You had been
here, my brother would not have died,” before she collapsed at His feet.
Yeshua had seen the grief in her eyes; He could feel her pain. Did He want
to comfort her? Did He suddenly know the of excruciating anguish and sorrow she
would feel when she would learn that He too was dead, and that He had been
so cruelly tortured and crucified? Even though He knew He would be raised
from the dead three days later, was the thought of the unbearable pain His
own death would bring to her a cause for great anguish within Him at what she
would experience? Was He Himself overcome with wanting to spare her even more
grief than she was feeling now? Did He want to take her in His arms and comfort
her, not just for today but everyday? If He did, He knew He could not. As
Yeshua saw her weeping, He groaned within His own spirit, being deeply troubled.
But He did not, He could not, reach for her to lift her out of her pain.
Instead, just for a moment, did He lay His hand upon her shoulder to try and
calm her? And did the groaning in His spirit come with the thought
of how hard it was to leave, as silent tears fell from His eyes?
[1]
The best way to turn this around was to do what He had come to do, to raise
Lazarus from the dead. He said to those who were gathered around
them, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” And
that He did. Seeing their joy became joy to Him as well. He hoped they
would remember the hope in Lazarus' resurrection when it came time for His own
death. His Father’s timing of this day couldn’t have been more fitting, for
soon, He too would be dead and laid in a tomb for a time.
What did Yeshua and the two sisters and Lazarus talk about that night as they
sat once again in their house, this time over a simple meal? They were
what appears to be His closest friends for He spent much time in their
company. Is it possible that He told them, or even just told Miryam on a walk
on the roof, of what was to come in order to prepare her? Did He
decide to explain to them, or to her, what must take place so they would be
able to endure it? Because a short time later, just prior to His last Passover
here on earth, an event took place that would lead one to think that Miryam, if
both of the recorded events involved Miryam, knew of His immanent death. It may
have also been that not everyone recognized Miryam’s change of life and
still saw her as she had been.
Yeshua and His disciples were in Bethany again, this time in their neighbor’s
house, that of Simon who may have been a Pharisee whom Yeshua had healed of
Leprosy. While they were reclining at dinner that night, Miryam came in
having an alabaster flask of very costly oil of spikenard. Seemingly
unaware of anyone but Yeshua, she came to Him, then broke the flask and poured
its contents on His head releasing the aroma of the oils throughout the house. Then
kneeling by His feet she poured the rest of the oils on His feet and then began
to wipe them with her hair, weeping as she did so. The room was filled with
shock at such a sensuous act while the fragrance of the oil filled the house.
At first no one said anything, but it soon became evidently that there were
some who were indignant among them, Judas most of all who was the first to
speak, saying with much judgement in his voice, “Why was this fragrant oil
wasted? It might have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given
to the poor.” His words were abruptly interrupted with a flash of anger
from Yeshua whose voice roared with His own indignation as He firmly
articulated, “Let her alone!” The expression on His face made it clear that He
was angry, not with her, but with Judas for his attitude toward her. “Why do
you trouble her? She has done a good thing unto Me. For in pouring this
fragrant oil on My body, she did it for My burial,”
Burial? Did He say burial? No one in the room seemingly knew what He was
talking about, except for her. She knew and she was expressing her love and her
overwhelming grief the only way she knew how. The room fell absolutely silent
except for her soft sobs. Looking first at her for a moment, then gazing
around the room, His voice perhaps a bit raspy with the emotion of the
moment, He said, “Assuredly, wherever this good news is preached
throughout the whole world, what this woman has done for Me will also be told
as a memorial to her.”
There was nothing He could give her in this world, but He did what He could to
protect her at that moment, and to protect her reputation for all time to come.
He would make what she had done unto Him known throughout the world. He would
give her the greatest place He could by letting the world know,
everyone who would come to know the Gospels, that He honored her and cherished
her and what she had done for Him. No longer would she ever be regarded as a
sinful woman, but He who would soon be known as King and Resurrected Lord, created
a memorial to her that would last as long as His word, and His word is
forever.
~ ~ ~
Epilog: We are not told what became of Miryam, though perhaps she
was "the other Mary" (Matthew 27:61). The next thing we
read is that Judas went to the chief priests and sold Yeshua out to them for
His capture. One wonders if Yeshua’s roaring rebuke at Judas wasn’t the
trigger that caused him to want to vindicate himself by turning Yeshua over to
them. Was he entirely indignant that Yeshua actually rebuked him in
front of all those people in favor of a woman, even this woman? Was he so
humiliated that he decided to retaliate? One wonders.
[1] The word “wept” in Greek indicates silent tears.
